“We recently ordered a large volume of greeting cards from ROSSLANDS and received things that were extraordinarily similar in price to the generic, mass-produced store-bought schlock, but of a much, MUCH higher quality and value. These are handmade, one-of-a-kind items, people!
Sure, they’re greeting cards, but they’re also original pieces of art that were created by one artist, by hand, surely under duress at sub-zero temperatures in the dead of night.
You can frame these and look at them indefinitely, teary-eyed and blushing, knowing that these are not just masterfully rendered illustrations, but artworks with a secret – a private note just for you, tucked away deep inside, that can only be viewed if one dismantles the frame to reveal the prize...
So anyway, go buy some.”
— The owner, posing as a fictitious buyer
“My son makes the best things around. THE. BEST. There is absolutely no reason why anyone should hesitate to order anything from this shop! How could anyone not love these items?!”
— The Owner's Mom
“Son, we need to talk...”
— The Owner's Dad
“Matt, listen, I’m only going to support you for a few more weeks, then THAT’S IT. GET A REAL JOB and TAKE CARE OF YOUR FAMILY!!! Starbucks offers health insurance, you know...”